I am going to preempt today's blog post by saying this is more about anecdotal content than it is about terminology and comparisons. These are my experiences, and should be treated as such!
Today, I'm going to go back and add onto one of my original posts about denial. This is the main defense mechanism we use, because it allows us to be irrational while still holding onto our belief. For many it feels better to be right, than it does to be logical, and I have a couple of points I would like to address on this topic.
First, the definition of denial in the form of a defense mechanism: Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development. Many people use denial in their everyday lives to avoid dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t wish to admit. For instance, a person who is a functioning alcoholic will often simply deny they have a drinking problem, pointing to how well they function in their job and relationships. (http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/)
There were a couple of reasons for wanting to come back to this particular subject. I recently had a discussion with my ex-sponsor's sponsor. It was a strange experience since it had been exactly a year since I was propositioned by the two of them to join their MLM. They had a lot of great goals, and I truly believe they wanted to do better for their families. However, their strategy has not been great, and the denial is sensational.
My sponsor's upline, we'll call him Tom, is a young gentleman that is married. He is the nephew to an extremely prestigious member of the MLM, and has been around it for nearly a decade. He hasn't always been interested in doing the "business", and is mostly concerned with being a good person while starting a family and providing a comfortable life. Here lies the issues, he is not successful in the business, he is not creating more time for himself or his wife to be together, and he is not getting the opportunity to start his family. He was supposed to be retired six months ago, his wife was supposed to be retired, and he was supposed to have a child. Meanwhile, he is running around to events and "business" meetings throughout the week, while working full time, while his wife does the same and tutors on the side. He has now amended his previous belief, and is only trying to "retire" his wife, and pretty soon his expectations will get even smaller. When I asked, "Why doesn't she just tutor from home?" He replied, "Because she should be a full time mom, and she has plenty of "business" related projects to keep her busy." I'm not sure if he realized that he admitted he will never retire with this "business", or if he was so brainwashed that he believed that was retirement. Needless to say, this was a great example of denial.
My sponsor was an awesome guy and for this anecdote, I'll call him Fred. I believed he was going to do great things. He is ambitious, hardworking, and has a certain genuine quality to him (or at least so I thought). Since the event last year, he has been so involved in his "business" that he basically, no longer talks to me, he missed out on major events, he continues to believe his motivational organization is actually what he is working for and not the "business", and has proven to be incredibly fake. He is the guy who has all of the canned responses programmed, and has none of the facts straight. He is truly an excellent example of denial.
If you have a story involving abuses from your upline and would like me to share it on this blog as a guest post, then please e-mail me and I will be more than happy to post it! Your stories are not as unique as you may think, and your stories are some of the most impactful resources we have to fight MLMs. I will keep your anonymity upon request.
Today, I'm going to go back and add onto one of my original posts about denial. This is the main defense mechanism we use, because it allows us to be irrational while still holding onto our belief. For many it feels better to be right, than it does to be logical, and I have a couple of points I would like to address on this topic.
First, the definition of denial in the form of a defense mechanism: Denial is the refusal to accept reality or fact, acting as if a painful event, thought or feeling did not exist. It is considered one of the most primitive of the defense mechanisms because it is characteristic of early childhood development. Many people use denial in their everyday lives to avoid dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t wish to admit. For instance, a person who is a functioning alcoholic will often simply deny they have a drinking problem, pointing to how well they function in their job and relationships. (http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/)
There were a couple of reasons for wanting to come back to this particular subject. I recently had a discussion with my ex-sponsor's sponsor. It was a strange experience since it had been exactly a year since I was propositioned by the two of them to join their MLM. They had a lot of great goals, and I truly believe they wanted to do better for their families. However, their strategy has not been great, and the denial is sensational.
My sponsor's upline, we'll call him Tom, is a young gentleman that is married. He is the nephew to an extremely prestigious member of the MLM, and has been around it for nearly a decade. He hasn't always been interested in doing the "business", and is mostly concerned with being a good person while starting a family and providing a comfortable life. Here lies the issues, he is not successful in the business, he is not creating more time for himself or his wife to be together, and he is not getting the opportunity to start his family. He was supposed to be retired six months ago, his wife was supposed to be retired, and he was supposed to have a child. Meanwhile, he is running around to events and "business" meetings throughout the week, while working full time, while his wife does the same and tutors on the side. He has now amended his previous belief, and is only trying to "retire" his wife, and pretty soon his expectations will get even smaller. When I asked, "Why doesn't she just tutor from home?" He replied, "Because she should be a full time mom, and she has plenty of "business" related projects to keep her busy." I'm not sure if he realized that he admitted he will never retire with this "business", or if he was so brainwashed that he believed that was retirement. Needless to say, this was a great example of denial.
My sponsor was an awesome guy and for this anecdote, I'll call him Fred. I believed he was going to do great things. He is ambitious, hardworking, and has a certain genuine quality to him (or at least so I thought). Since the event last year, he has been so involved in his "business" that he basically, no longer talks to me, he missed out on major events, he continues to believe his motivational organization is actually what he is working for and not the "business", and has proven to be incredibly fake. He is the guy who has all of the canned responses programmed, and has none of the facts straight. He is truly an excellent example of denial.
If you have a story involving abuses from your upline and would like me to share it on this blog as a guest post, then please e-mail me and I will be more than happy to post it! Your stories are not as unique as you may think, and your stories are some of the most impactful resources we have to fight MLMs. I will keep your anonymity upon request.
It's interesting that both the men whom you describe here seem to be honest, energetic, and hardworking types -- not lazy slackers. In any other sensible line of work, there is no reason to suppose that they would be unsuccessful.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is the unfortunate fact they they got involved in an MLM. Like flies in a spider web, the more they struggle the more entangled they get. This is because MLMs work on an emotional level.
Rational persons in such a situation would admit that what they tried was a mistake, and would move on to other opportunities. These two guys won't do that. This is the crucial key to their "denial."
Refusal to face reality is based on pride, or what the Greeks called "hubris." It is an inflexible need to cling stubbornly to something that is self-destructive. Really competent businessmen cut their losses quickly when some scheme isn't panning out, and redirect their resources and energy to a different project or investment. MLM freaks won't do this because they are fixated, in a prideful and arrogant way, on an IDEOLOGY.
An ideology is a fixed and immovable system of ideas that is self-contained. Acceptance of an ideology is not based on rational self-interest, but on something deeper and stronger. It is based on faith, belief, moral commitment, ethical certitude, and emotion.
Sure, some cynical and amoral persons will accept an ideology solely for selfish reasons, and not for any deep personal feeling (for example, the bureaucrats and functionaries of the old Soviet Union, who hadn't the slightest commitment to Communism as an ideal). But the normal person in the grip of an ideology is a "true believer." Facts and figures don't matter to him. Financial losses don't shake him. Patent absurdities and outright lies pass over his head, unnoticed.
This is at the root of "denial." Emotional commitment always defeats rational analysis.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWow!!! This is a great post! I may have to ask permission to use some of your lines in the future such as, "Like flies in a spider web, the more they struggle the more entangled they get. This is because MLMs work on an emotional level." I never thought of it this way, but it couldn't be a more accurate analogy. They only have two choices when they struggle, quit or double down, and they clearly chose the latter.
I also really liked this line, "Refusal to face reality is based on pride, or what the Greeks called 'hubris.' It is an inflexible need to cling stubbornly to something that is self-destructive." I also would not have thought to look at this situation as a version of "hubris", but that is exactly what it is. No logical person would ever stick around and give their money and time to something that is clearly not working. However, someone with an over-inflated ego due to love-bombing and the need to be recognized as important could have their "hubris" send them down a bad path.
"An ideology is a fixed and immovable system of ideas that is self-contained. Acceptance of an ideology is not based on rational self-interest, but on something deeper and stronger. It is based on faith, belief, moral commitment, ethical certitude, and emotion."
I have never heard this definition before and it is spectacular! I especially like the fact that is has a neutral emotional tone, and can be applied to both positive and negative situations!
Thank you for this awesome post!
Sure, of course you may quote me. If you want to credit me, I am Professor Joseph S. Salemi of New York University. But you don't need to do so if don't want to. I'm just happy to help anyone who is trying to shed some light on the rottenness of MLM schemes.
ReplyDeleteFantastic, my e-mail is thedude2488@gmail.com. If you have any other comments that you feel would be better to keep off of the blog, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. I am also interested in doing personal stories and other MLM related posts as featured articles (giving you credit of course).
Delete