Friday, September 2, 2016

15 Common Defense Mechanisms/Undoing

Undoing is an over-the-top reaction to involuntarily offending someone else. Instead of adjusting the behavior so that it doesn't happen again, a person may try to reconcile the situation by giving gifts or continuously apologizing. The person who is using the undoing defense mechanism is struggling internally with the fault they committed and feel they must do extra to reconcile the issue at hand. An example of this may be closing the door in someone's face. Instead of apologizing and moving forward, a person may offer to buy them lunch, help them with their errands, or pay unnecessary compliments. This defense mechanism looks like a person taking responsibility for their action, but it is largely about the turmoil they are dealing with inside of themselves.

Undoing: Undoing is the attempt to take back an unconscious behavior or thought that is unacceptable or hurtful. For instance, after realizing you just insulted your significant other unintentionally, you might spend then next hour praising their beauty, charm and intellect. By “undoing” the previous action, the person is attempting to counteract the damage done by the original comment, hoping the two will balance one another out.

Have you ever had a friend that feels overly apologetic for every wrongdoing? They might be overly politically correct about everything they are saying, or make outrageous sacrifices to fix the most minor of issues. Another example of this might be making a joke at the expense of another person. The joke's punchline might involve making fun of blondes, or saying something about certain foods being consumed more regularly by particular ethnicities. In any case, it is not meant to be an insult, but rather making light of a commonly seen situation. Yet, a person may take it the wrong way and get offended. Instead of the person making the joke being apologetic, they may go out of their way to say they don't actually think this way and that they are extremely open-minded.

Do MLMers use undoing??? Absolutely! MLMers are constantly turning their negative thoughts into positives. Undoing can be based on actions or thoughts, therefore if an MLMer is thinking a nasty thought they may react to it by acting overly positive. An example of this is when an MLMer loses a downline. Inside, the MLMer will be angry because that is a part of their income being lost, but on the outside they may be overly nice to the other downline and tell them how much more valuable they are than the other MLMer who quit.

A personal example of this occurred when I was at an FED and I listened to Brad Duncan speak. He talked about the real statistics and the numbers were embarrassingly bad. He told everyone that 95% of people in attendance would quit, and that .1% of people there would ever make it to diamond (essentially 0). Without blinking an eye, he then said that this was the greatest business on Earth, everyone in that audience had an equal opportunity for success, and the business had the power to change lives. The third part was accurate, but probably not in the way he intended it to mean. This was an incredible use of undoing, and the people cheered for him as he continued on with his speech. 

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